By Jack Engelhard
Former detainee, Binyam Mohamed, reports that practically everything was brutal during his confinement but worst of all were those CD blasts from rapper Eminem.
Finally, we know how to break alleged terrorists. Forget water-boarding. That’s peanuts. Give them our culture, domestic or imported, and surely they will confess. Give them, say, 10 minutes of Bill Maher, softly or loudly, and they’re sure to spill their secrets and tell us where bin Laden is hiding. (I’ve tried Maher for nearly an hour – true torture – and was ready to confess my own crimes and misdemeanors to anyone who would listen.)
If that doesn’t do it, the mere TV appearance of Hanan Ashrawi, even on mute, is guaranteed to have them crying uncle. Likewise our own Hillary Clinton and Israel’s Ehud Barak whose pansy appeasement and loyalty to terror is so sickening that even terrorists can’t help but shield their eyes and muff their ears.
If they still refuse to cooperate, in or out of Gitmo, well then, there’s no choice but to get REALLY BRUTAL and here, of course, we’re talking about sitting them down to watch a PBS Fund Drive, those beg-a-thons that just won’t quit and where the pleading and panhandling persist without end. Top that off with the wit and wisdom of Bill Moyers and even the most hardened terrorist will plead – “No more, Please!”
True, we learn from “Cool Hand Luke” that “some people you just can’t reach.” So how about a dose of Keith Olbermann? Play him loud, play him soft, either way, there will be results, and if not, Moyers and Olbermann back to back. That may be too much even for die-hard liberals – oops, Progressives – but maybe not. One of my Progressive friends suggested that I give Olbermann a try – “he’s so funny.” So I tried and am still suffering. This IS cruel and unusual punishment.
Reality TV – where ordinary Americans perform tasks and tricks that beckon our lowest instincts and that are too demeaning even for dogs – yes, Reality TV is where we’re at our worst (I think), so make them watch and then watch them banging the walls. As for me, I can’t watch these shows, but other Americans do, voluntarily; that is, they watch even though the torture is not intended. Or maybe it is!
A blast from Bruce Springsteen always works for me. I’m always ready to cooperate after even a snippet from “The Boss.”
We learn from Binyam Mohamed and other inmates that STUPID HUMAN TRICKS are the most lethal form of abuse. I propose, therefore, as an alternative to slapping and eye-gouging and electric shock, a few blasts from The Jonas Brothers. These kids were manufactured to pick up where the Beatles left off. They’re multi-talented except for the fact that they can’t dance and can’t sing. For this reason they are popular and even performed at the White House. This is certain to disgust any terrorist in confinement and have him beg for mercy.
My gawd! Our culture is nothing but noise!
I could name hundreds of other pop groups (Beatles clones) that can’t sing or dance but that make it to the top of the Billboard Charts except that I can’t name a single one; they come and go so fast after raking in their millions. I do catch a few of these acts somewhere in the middle of “Saturday Night Live” and find that the girls are already prepped to scream in delight – or is it pain?
I think it’s pain. I think it’s torture. Let those terrorists get a taste so that they’ll comply as readily as we’ve surrendered.
Novelist Jack Engelhard, author of “Indecent Proposal” and most recently “The Bathsheba Deadline,” can be reached at his website www.jackengelhard.com