The Beijing Olympics Raw

By Jack Engelhard
I’ve already lost three friends for mocking the “Opening Ceremonies” for these 2008 Summer Olympics, saying, as I did, that I can get the same cartwheels, pyrotechnics and all the rest of that hoopla at any circus or carnival. Even my neighborhood’s Fourth of July is more spectacular and I’m not much for spectacles anyway. For that, I’m accused of being ornery. Fine. Let it be.
  

In fact, I think that’s the theme for these Games: Let It Be or “We Are The World” or “One World, One Voice.” Or maybe, “All We Need Is Love.”
  

Or maybe “Love Is A Many Splendored Thing.”
  

Watching the Parade of Nations I was amazed that there were so many people out there in the world — and most of them are not Americans. How did this happen?
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I’m Inflating My Tires, and It Works!

By Jack Engelhard

Yes, I went ahead and inflated my tires and – well, this is terrific news! – it works! After buying gas on Monday, at four dollars a gallon, I did not have to buy gas again until Tuesday, and all that because I followed Barack Obama’s instructions – inflate, baby, inflate. I left the car in the driveway and took the train instead so maybe that’s the reason for the savings, but those are just details.

I tried some of the other methods that have been proposed in lieu of drilling – you know, “we can’t drill our way out of this” (why not?) – but have been less successful. I opened the gas cap and aimed the gas tank toward the sun, you know, for some of that solar energy, but nothing happened. My car wouldn’t run, wouldn’t even start. (I did get a nice tan, though.)

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